It’s different. It’s so odd, I palpitate with a blitz of unknown emotions whenever it comes up in my mind—almost like sorrow, ecstasy, nostalgia and bewilderment put into a single emotion.
Once I actually started paying attention to the sky, I came to a realization that I wasn’t the person I actually thought I was. The universe is a magnificent being. A being so powerful and cruel, my existence feels altogether worthless.
Just a couple of years ago, the sky was just a sky to me—blank space, the moon, the sun, and a couple of stars—nothing more. But the celestial glow of the stars at night tell us so much more about the magnificent being. Each and every star contains a substantial history of cruel and triumphant moments of our species’ past. They have been watching over us for centuries, glistening up in the distance, showcasing their beauty and wisdom.
There’s so much more to this universe than how we all see it. We’re tiny and massive beings at the same time. Family, friends, lovers, husband, wife, emotions, sexual orientation, gender, race, and crime—this world we’re living in is merely made up of labels and useless standards. There’s a rule and a path to everything functioning in this universe and our species had always been eager to figure out and solve these mysteries and conceptions. Sometimes we all just need a brief moment to abandon and escape the cryptic realities of undecided misfortune and delight. They’re far too strong for us to compete against anyway.
I’m fortunate, but I feel homeless. Prejudicial treatment all based on some labels; I’m unsure of who I am but I know who they want me to be. I know who they want each person in each “category” to be. They want us to be who we’re “supposed” to be. They use labels to categorize people so that they can neglect the fact that they’re dishonest and inhumane.
They won’t let us leave their grasp from the fear of losing authority and prestige. They tell us that this is the correct way of living but our natural instincts tell us that the way we’re living is utterly unethical. We have the ambition and we have the target but we’re not shooting anything—we’re only losing more of the odds and potential we once had.
Freedom is the word they use to describe our society when we are really just prisoners of the arrogant. We systematically escort ourselves to the consistent way of the self-centered. We brainwash ourselves to believe that we’re following the correct path when it is only considered the “acceptable” path. They are immoral, selfish beings that only want to live for their own benefits and we are undeniably identical to them. They are only different versions of us and they just happened to be labeled into a category of a higher class on default.
We are one of the many animals that have a moral compass. We believe we know what’s right and we believe we know what’s wrong. We have these instinctive and intuitive feelings we call emotions. I’m not sure why but when my intuition tells me to do a certain thing, I always do the opposite:
I’m lying on a muddy field of grass. I don’t remember coming here but I can tell I’ve been here for a while. My entire body is soaked. My eyelids feel heavy and so does my entire body. I look around to see nothing but the mesmerizing sky intact with stars. A gust of wind delivers the fresh, alluring scent of freshly cut grass to what feels like my entire mind, body, and soul. The scent uplifts my vitality and I feel the perfect amount of contentment permeating my solitary existence. I close my eyes and intake the scent, letting the nostalgic memories take over my mind; I see my grandpa mowing the lawn while looking back at me ever so often to make sure I didn’t wander off anywhere. I can feel a lump in my throat starting to form along with tears rushing under my eyelids. He looks back at me smiling with the most genuine and pure smile that no one else but my grandfather can have.
The sudden noise awakens me from my delightful delusion. I open my eyes to see the fluorescent stars glistening over my eyes. I feel my body temperature dropping.
I’m not the only one here. The growling noises continue to get more aggressive and I can hear it getting closer. My intuition tells me to get up and run as far as I can go but my body stays put. I’m lost under the captivating stars and my body just doesn’t go with my conscience. I sit there with consistent fear simply hoping for the best of my fate.
This situation can go wrong in many ways but that’s what I would have done.
If I were to colour code all of my emotions into one drawing it would have to go beyond the colour spectrum. My emotions are plentiful but my expressions are naïve.
People say that love is a strong word. Love is a strong word but along with that, it’s an incredibly intense and essential emotion to one’s life. Starting from a breathless leakage of unexplainable emotions, this passionate bond established with another individual can either last for eternity, or be completely severed apart. Our kind is incredibly eccentric for this. Solely from these neural impulses, this one person becomes your person. With the emotion we call love, we invest big or small segments of our life to this specific person or people. And just like another form of life, love must be kept alive with the correct essential nutrients and enrichments needed.
Our kind is just self-centered and arrogant—it occupies my brain with repulsiveness and embarrassment whenever I think about all of the corruption and deterioration we’ve done. But at the same time, we are all beautiful fragments of art composed of complicated yet simple mechanisms. The universe doesn’t need us whatsoever—we’re ultimately insignificant to this world but our lives are significant to ourselves and to each other. Society’s standards, labels, and all of the emotions we feel mean the world to us while we exist.
I feel baffled when I think of my existence and these emotions I feel towards the universe are all just a big slur as well. I don’t understand and I don’t need to. I believe that my duty as a human being is not to understand all these things; I just need to maintain my existence as a wandering soul—forget about the labels I was born with—and be what I aspire to be and do what I want to do. After all, life is only just a dream.